List of User Friendly characters
- 1 Main characters
- 2 Regular Characters
- 3 Occasional Characters
- 4 Guest Characters
- 5 External links
- 6 Copyright
- First Appearance: November 17, 1997
A.J. Garrett is the creative guy for the company, maintaining and designing their websites. As a web designer, he's uncomfortably crammed in that tiny crevice between the techies and the marketing people. This means he's not disliked by anyone, but they all look at him funny from time to time. A.J. is shy and sensitive. He loves most computer games, nifty art, and has a big brother relationship with the Dust Puppy. A.J. is terrified of Grues and attempts to avoid them.
A.J. was downsized on September 5, 1998, following iCan't Internet's purchase of Columbia Internet on August 24, 1998, but was re-engaged on October 17, 1998 after the company had been rebought. He lost his job again on October 16, 2002, following working on a personal project, and was employed by AOL. Having suffered an Ethicectomy, he became a clone of Stef - fortunately following an Ethics donation from Colin Powell he was re-employed.
He and Miranda have previously dated, but split up over a misunderstanding. They remained attracted to each other and started dating again on September 16, 2005.
- First Appearance: November 19, 1997
The Chief is Columbia Internet's CEO. He is the fearless leader for the techies and salespeople, as well as the only calm, clear-thinking head in the company. He wouldn't be if he knew what was really going on. The Chief is also a closet guitar player, having spent years mastering the art of perfect tone, only to have computers come along and render all of his effort meaningless.
Illiad based the character on a former boss:
“ The Chief is based on my business mentor. He was the vice president that I reported to back in the day. The Chief, like my mentor, is tall (!) and thin and sports a bushy ring around a bald crown, plus a very thick moustache. ”
The Chief bears a superficial resemblance to the Pointy-Haired Boss of Dilbert fame — he once was referred as the “Pointy Headed Boss”, and asked whether it was a mistake. However, Illiad says that The Chief was not inspired by the Dilbert character. 
- First Appearance: December 3, 1997
The Dust Puppy was born in a server from a combination of dust, lint and quantum events. He looks like a ball of dust and lint, with eyes, feet and an occasional big toothy smile. He was briefly absent from the strip from January 6 to January 10, 1998 after accidentally being blown with compressed air while sleeping inside a dusty server.
Although the Dust Puppy is very innocent and everything but worldly, he plays a superb game of Quake, doing his first deathmatch only four days after his initial appearance in the strip, on December 7, 1997, and even beating Zock, the Quake god, on February 13, 1998; he also created an artificial intelligence named Erwin on January 25 1998, with whom he has been known to do occasional song performances (the first one being on February 8, 1998).
Generally, all the other characters in the strip like the Dust Puppy; notable exceptions to this are Stef and the Dust Puppy's evil nemesis, the Crud Puppy, who first appeared in the strip on February 24, 1998.
The Dust Puppy has (in the strip for January 17, 1998) described himself as:
- "I walk around looking short, and sleep in the servers, and give advice to people who need it and sometimes I even play Quake."
- First Appearance: January 25, 1998
Erwin is a highly advanced Artificial Intelligence (AI) that resides somewhere on the network. He was created overnight during experimentation in Artificial intelligence by the Dust Puppy, who was feeling kind of bored. Erwin is written in COBOL because Dust Puppy "lost a bet". Erwin passes the Turing Test with flying colours, and has a dry sense of humour. He is an expert on any subject that is covered on the World Wide Web, such as Elvis sightings and alien conspiracies.
He was named Erwin on January 28, 1998, in light of the alternative, "web designer".
Originally, Erwin occupied the classic 'monitor and keyboard' type computer with an x86 computer architecture, but was later given such residences as an iMac, a Palm III, a Coleco Adam on Mir, a Furby, a nuclear weapon guidance system, an SGI O2, a Hewlett-Packard Calculator (with reverse Polish notation), a Lego Mindstorms construction, a Tamagotchi, a Segway, a Mech-Warrior Timber Wolf exo-skeleton, an internet equipped toilet as a punishment for insulting Hastur, and an IBM PC 5150 brought in to work by Sid. He also had a very detailed dream about being a Death Star.
- Erwin's cast description
- Erwin becomes MIRwin
- Erwin puts weight behind A.J.'s game
- Hastur creates a vacancy
- First Appearance: November 17, 1997
Greg Flemming is in charge of Technical Support at the company. In other words, he's the guy that customers turd all over when something goes wrong. He blows off steam by playing visceral games and doing Bad Things to the salespeople. He's not a bad sort, but his grip on his sanity hovers somewhere between weak and non-existent, and he once worked for Microsoft Quality Assurance.
- First Appearance: November 20, 1997
Mike Floyd works as a System Administrator, and is responsible for the smooth running of the network at the office. He's bright but prone to fits of anxiety. His worst nightmare is being locked in a room with a sweaty Windows 95 programmer, and no hacking weapons in sight. He loves hot curries, preferably ones with the same properties as Alien acid-for-blood.
- Mike's cast description
- Anatomy of a furby
- Define two ways a Network designer can optimise performance
- Love You virus
- A world without Google!
- First Appearance: October 10, 1998
Miranda Cornielle is a trained systems technologist, an experienced UNIX sysadmin, and very, very female. Her technical abilities unnerve the other techs, but her obvious physical charms compel them to stare at her, except for Pitr, who is convinced she is evil. The only character flaw she displayed is her jealousy when Pearl is too close to A.J.
- Miranda's cast description
- Miranda to date Stef!
- Miranda has a word with A.J.
- Miranda's none too keen on Pearl's arrival
- First Appearance: November 20, 1997
Pitr Dubovich is the admin of the Columbia Internet server, and a self proclaimed Linux guru. He suddenly began to speak with a fake Slavic accent on 17 June 1998, as part of his program to "Become an Evil Genius". He has almost succeeded in taking over the planet several times. His sworn enemy is Sid, who seems to outdo him at every turn. Pitr's achievements include: Making the world's (second) strongest coffee, Merging Coca Cola and Pepsi into Pitr-Cola and Making Columbia Internet Millions with a nuclear weapon purchased from Russia.
- First Appearance: September 27, 2000
Although a relative newcomer to Columbia Internet, Sid Dabster is the oldest of the geeks, and very knowledgeable. His advanced age gives him the upper hand against Pitr, whom he has outdone on several occasions; including in a coffee brewing competition and in a (rather biased) game of Jeopardy. Unlike Pitr, he has no evil ambitions per se, but he is a friend of Hastur and Cthulhu.
Illiad originally intended Sid's character to appear as an incidental character in a single storyline, but audience reception encouraged him to bring Sid back as a regular character.
Sid has a daughter named Pearl, who is a recurring character.
- First Appearance: November 22, 1997
The Smiling Man is the company Comptroller. He is in charge of accounts, finances and expenditures. He smiles all day, for no reason. This in itself is enough to encourage the other staff to keep pointy objects out of his reach. It has been said that he smiles for the same reason that a cat "smiles" before killing something. His favourite wallpaper is a large, complex, and utterly meaningless spreadsheet.
- First Appearance: November 17, 1997
Stef Murky works as the Corporate Sales Manager. He runs most of the marketing efforts within the firm and sells things before they exist. He can't understand the way techies think and treats them rather condescendingly, so he doesn't get very far with them. He lusts for Miranda, but she quite wisely refuses to have anything to do with him. He sucks at Quake. Although he admires the power of Microsoft's marketing muscle, he has a real problem with Microsoft salesmen, probably because they make much more money than he does. He has a strange relationship with women and is universally hated by the geeks. Stef is definitely gormless as demonstrated on January 14, 2005.
- Stef's cast description
- 700 hours Stef Lovin' Absolutely Free
- Why we need spam
- Calming Stef's nerves
- First Appearance: April 5, 1999
An "Owstrian" (sic) bodybuilder whose brain was replaced with an AI by an evil MS engineer. The AI was created in Partition 23 and reprogrammed by Erwin.
- First Appearance: March 22, 1999
The BSD Daemon (technically the FreeBSD Daemon) is the little Demon/Daemon guy who advertises the BSD operating system, he reckons that one of the reasons you should change is that he is cuter than Tux.
- First Appearance: November 21, 1997
Cobb works in the Sales Department, and is known throughout the company to be lousy at Quake. However, we have never seen him play, for the one time Stef challenged him, Cobb cheated and had Dust Puppy play for him.
- First Appearance: July 20, 1998
Caffeine hallucination, he usually appears as a giant walking cola can, but takes different forms for different people. He is very keen for people to remain addicted to caffeine (and, in one strip, THC), and will sometimes invite people to suck directly out of his nose to ensure their fealty. Mr Cola takes the form of the drug most enjoyed by the particular person looking at him. For Greg, he appears as a large can of cola; for Miranda, as (presumably) a cup of espresso ; and, for Sid, as a "big, juicy, thirty-kilogram doobie" .
- First Appearance: February 24, 1998
Life and Times of the Crud Puppy
After Stef spilled coffee on his keyboard, the Crud Puppy appeared to consume it. Then challenging the Dust Puppy (they have obviously met before) to a Quake Deathmatch, he falls in his coffee and is drunk by Pitr.
Later Pitr is discovered to have a pair of hands (CP's) in his chest. During surgery to remove them, CP escapes, swipes a scapel and a goalie mask, regenerates his crud-body by consuming a Microsoft salesman, and hunts down Dust Puppy (who upon hearing the news attempts to flee to French Guiana).
After an inconclusive fight CP detours into "Skybucks" Coffee and is kicked into a coffee grinder by DP - and is promptly drunk by Pitr again.
Still later CP is summoned by Bill Gates to assist in the Microsoft anti-trust trial; he latches onto Pitr's kidneys, regenerates again when the clumsy surgeon spills his coffee into Pitr, swipes yet another scapel and escapes.
DP then explains to Greg (who apparently was away during the first two Crud Puppy appearances) that, in previous lives 2000 years ago, he and CP became adversaries when "Lord Crud" was commander of the Imperial Death Orb, which was destroyed by DP and Tux by uploading Windows 95.
CP, meanwhile, has stolen the body (sans head) of the previous Microsoft attorney and (as "Sid Crud") wins the case; he then resigns in favour of a position at AOL ("it's the new evil")...
- First Appearance: March 29, 2001
- First Appearance: November 23, 1997
Hillary works for customer services.
Matt the Sea Urchin
- First appearance: May 17, 1999
Matt tagged along after the team went out for a meal. He has 'weapons-grade spines' (to Pitr's dismay) and does strange things with his butt muscles.
- First Appearance: August 30, 2001
Pearl Dabster is Sid's daughter. She was originally introduced as a romantic rival to Miranda for A.J.'s affections. She and Pitr have dated (to her father's disgust). She holds an MBA and a Nuclear Engineering Degree.
- First Appearance: November 21, 1997
Tanya works for customer services.
- First Appearance: November 29, 1998
Tux is the Linux penguin, a mentor, guide, and mascot. He is sometimes referred to as a "sea bird".
- Alistair, Dortmund & Theodore (The Microsoft Thugs). First Appearance: June 9, 1999
- Bolt Cola Monster (Jealous alternative to Mr Cola). First Appearance: October 30, 1998
- Boyz, David (Prosecution Attorney). First Appearance: November 14, 1998
- Burst, Zane (VP of content for Whiffnet) First Appearance: February 4, 1999
- Cat Five (a... cat who belongs to Miranda, and was a gift from A.J.). First Appearance: February 18, 2000
- Coffee Boy (A cafeteria server). First Appearance: November 22, 1998
- CEO Guy (An out of work CEO). First Appearance: September 20, 2002
- Crud, Lord (Loyal servant of the Empire, see Crud Puppy). First Appearance: November 29, 1998
- Crud, Sly (Defence counsel, see Crud Puppy). First Appearance: December 26, 1998
- Dark Side Dave (Pitr's long lost comrade brother). First Appearance: April 4, 2000
- Delamiccio, Hubert (Department of Justice Agent; came to purify the flock). First Appearance: May 22, 1998
- Dmitri (Head of Partition 23). First Appearance: March 31, 1999
- Doctor (Careless)(Careless coffee-drinking doctor, who's rough day gets worse). First Appearance: November 20, 1998
- Doctor (Concerned)(A Doctor concerned for her patients). First Appearance: November 22, 1998
- Doss, Dr (Diagnosing Doctor). First Appearance: November 19, 1998
- Doug (& friend)(Security Guards). First Appearance: February 03, 1999
- Espresso Monster (See Mr Cola). First Appearance: October 28, 1998
- Eula (A girl who just wants to be accepted... ). First Appearance: April 2, 2005
- Furby (Disturbing Plush Toy). First Appearance: January 3, 1999
- Gerard (Commercial Maker) First Appearance: February 25, 2001
- God (Judging in Purgatory) First Appearance: September 17, 1998
- Hastur (The unspeakable one from Cthulhu Mythos). First Appearance: technically April 19, 2003 actually May 7, 2003
- Hoffloff, Mr (A patient sort of chap). First Appearance: November 22, 1998
- Microsoft Black Ops (Swat team for non-Microsoft offenders). First Appearance: September 13, 1998
- Microsoft Employees (Where would you like to go today?). First Appearance: February 18, 1999
- Microsoft Engineers (Partition 23 Staff – Skilled in the Black Arts). First Appearance: March 29, 1999
- Matt (Sea Urchin) First Appearance: May 17, 1999
- Moff, Ichabod (Bastard Consultant From Hell). First Appearance: June 30, 1998
- Murray's Friend (A trigger happy hunter). First Appearance: December 26, 2000
- Naughty Biscuit (A Naff Band who try to sue Napster). First Appearance: July 6, 2000
- NSA Agents (I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition...). First Appearance: January 19, 1999
- Nurse (Efficient and caring nurse). First Appearance: November 20, 1998
- Onimishon, Barry (Microsoft Spokesman). First non-appearance: November 02, 1998
- OpenBSD Daemon (The little BSD Daemon/Demon guy (with a halo)). First Appearance: March 25, 1999
- Padlock, Mr (President of iCan't Internet). First Appearance: August 24, 1998
- Penelope (19 year old Ashley Judd look-alike, passionate about techs). First Appearance: August 18, 1998
- Pentium III of Borg (Partition 23's AI, see Artur). First Appearance: April 07, 1999
- Pfeiffer (customer service) First Appearance: November 24, 1997
- Phant0m (Zock’s friend & “Whuppin’ Boy”) First Appearance: April 15, 1999
- Phish (an evil genetically modified fish) First Appearance: July 29, 2003
- Putritude (Alien). First Appearance: Unknown
- Rattafee, Senator (Microsoft loving US Senator) First non-appearance: January 29, 1999
- Salesman, Future Electronics (Game for a refund). First Appearance: February 17, 1999
- Snack Monster (usually appears as a giant walking deep fried pork rinds bag, similar to Mr Cola). First Appearance: July 21, 1998
- Solaris, Lan (Cocky rebel, who flies the Millennium Bug). First Appearance: December 6, 1998
- Stormtroopers (Lord Crud's followers). First Appearance: December 2, 1998
- Tim (Australian Contractor, with a remarkable similarity to Greg). First Appearance: April 19, 2005
- Tufay, Mr (Vice President of Information Technology, and Mr Padlock's lackey). First Appearance: August 29, 1998
- US Military (May I take your Order?). First Appearance: February 22, 1999
- Venjick, Abu (See Stef). First Appearance: January 19, 1999
- VP of Acquisitions (Some of the worst scum the universe had to offer...). First Appearance: December 5, 1998
- VPs (Astonished capitalists who later see the funny side). First Appearance: February 08, 1999
- Wallace, Sanford (Spammer) First non-appearance: February 22, 1999
- Weeper, Mr (temporary CEO). First Appearance: April 26, 1998
- Woodly, Mr. (A customer). First Appearance: December 23, 1997
- Zikpt (Alien). First Appearance: January 9, 2003
- Zock (Quake God) First Appearance: February 9, 1998
- Anderson, Thomas A. (Neo) (Film Character from The Matrix, Discovers the "real world" isn't...). First Appearance: April 18, 1999
- Cartman (Cartoon Character from South Park). First Appearance: March 9, 1998
- Clinton, President (Former President of the US). First non-appearance: February 2, 1998
- Cox, Alan (Linux Kernel Programmer) First non-appearance: April 23, 1999
- Darth Maul (Film Character from Star Wars, Dark Lord of the Sith, an apprentice to Darth Sidious). First Appearance: March 21, 1999
- Gates, Bill (Chairman and Chief Software Architect of Microsoft). First non-appearance: April 28, 1998
- Glenn, John (former American fighter pilot, astronaut, and politician). First non-appearance: November 1, 1998
- Heston, Charlton (American film actor, conservative activist, and NRA president). First Appearance: July 18, 2002
- Holly (TV show Character from Red Dwarf, a talking computer with an IQ of 6000). First Appearance: March 29, 1999
- Irwin, Steve (Crocodile-loving adventurer with annoying enthusiasm). First non-appearance: May 4, 2005
- Jobs, Steve (CEO of Apple). First non-appearance: May 1, 2005
- Obi-Wan Kenobi (Film Character from Star Wars, legendary Jedi Master, Qui-Gon Jinn's apprentice). First Appearance: March 21, 1999
- Opus the penguin (Cartoon Character from Bloom County comic strip, An oddly afflicted penguin). First Appearance: July 14, 1999
- Raymond, Eric S. (famous (and controversial) "leading figure" in the open source movement). First Appearance: December 3, 1998
- Smith, Agent (Film Character from The Matrix, pitiless, single-minded and hard to dodge). First Appearance: April 18, 1999
- Stallman, Richard M (Founded the GNU project, the League for Programming Freedom, the Free Software movement & foundation. A renowned hacker, computer scientist, academic, public speaker, and political campaigner). First Appearance: December 18, 1998
- Talkie Toaster (TV show Character from Red Dwarf, an AI with a penchant for bakery products). First Appearance: March 30, 1999
- Torg (Cartoon Character from Sluggy Freelance, A hapless freelance web designer). First Appearance: December 13, 1999
- Wallace (Stop motion Character from Wallace & Gromit, dyslexic (in this version) Inventor). First non-appearance: December 5, 1998
- The Wizard of Id (cartoon character from The Wizard of Id comic strip, a Wizard). First Appearance: May 04, 2000
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