List of Father Ted characters


List of Father Ted characters
The four main characters of Father Ted. Middle rear: Father Ted Crilly (Dermot Morgan), left: Father Dougal McGuire (Ardal O'Hanlon), front: Father Jack Hackett (Frank Kelly), right: Mrs Doyle (Pauline McLynn).

Father Ted was a cult comedy produced by Hat Trick Productions for British Broadcaster Channel 4, running for three series and a special from 21 April 1995 until 1 May 1998 over 25 episodes. The main characters comprised Father Ted Crilly (Dermot Morgan) and his fellow priests Father Dougal McGuire (Ardal O'Hanlon) and Father Jack Hackett (Frank Kelly), all exiled on Craggy Island living together with the fourth main character, housekeeper Mrs Doyle (Pauline McLynn). All four actors appeared from the first to the last episodes, from "Good Luck, Father Ted" to "Going to America". The character of Mrs Doyle appeared only very briefly in "Flight Into Terror" but because she didn't want to be left out, Pauline McLynn was cast as one of two troublesome nuns on the aircraft.

Contents

Main characters

Father Ted Crilly

Father Ted Crilly (played by Dermot Morgan) is the extravagant main character of Father Ted.

He is an Irish Catholic priest on Craggy Island who constantly feels burdened by the idiocy and insanity of those around him. According to several sources, Ted's birthday is November 15. He was sent to the failing parish as penance for a misdemeanor known only as 'that Lourdes thing', whereby he allegedly stole charitable donations intended to fund a poor child's pilgrimage and then absconded to Las Vegas with it (he always claimed that the money was just 'resting in his account'). He claims to miss the thrill and the buzz of working in "the big city" although it was later suggested that his previous parish was actually in the small town of Wexford. Despite being one of the series' few sympathetic characters, Ted is a greedy and vainglorious man; he dreams of abandoning his fellow clergy and ministering a parish far away in America. However, he finds his ambitions constantly quashed by the demands of his much feared, narcissistic superior, Bishop Len Brennan, and the two priests he was charged with caring for: the violent alcoholic Father Jack Hackett and the profoundly unintelligent Father Dougal McGuire, as well as their manic housekeeper Mrs Doyle. Ted likes to give the image of a charitable humanitarian but dreams of a more glamorous calling than the priesthood. He serves as a straightman compared to his rather odd counterparts.

Despite his past wrongdoings, various character flaws and general distaste for life as a priest, Ted often displays a real religious conviction and appears genuinely disturbed or offended whenever Dougal says anything that questions the Catholic faith. However, Ted often tries to exploit his beliefs for his own ends, such as praying for God to get rid of his unwanted house guest, Father Stone. He is quick to twist or reinterpret the teachings of the church in order to justify his more outlandish schemes. On one such occasion he persuaded Dougal to help him rig a church raffle by explaining that doing so would save Bishop Brennan's soul because Brennan would most likely want to commit the even greater sin of murder should he find out that Ted accidentally destroyed the original raffle prize. He does sometimes slip up on religious topics, however, such as suggesting artificial contraception (which the Catholic Church disagrees with) to oversexed milkman, Pat Mustard or getting into an awkward discussion with a gay man about the Pope's stance on homosexuality, leading him to deny Papal infallibility.

Ted has a long-standing rivalry and game of one-upmanship with Father Dick Byrne, parish priest of Rugged Island, and is frequently seen displaying his childish side through the various petty tricks he plays on him. Ted's only known family is a brother who is a Doctor; he is mentioned briefly in "Entertaining Father Stone". Ted dreads visits from Bishop Brennan, as the latter despises him and usually punishes him.

Father Dougal McGuire

Father Dougal McGuire, played by Ardal O'Hanlon, is a profoundly dense and thoroughly ignorant young priest (he once merrily confessed that "the lights are on but there's no one home"), Dougal has no belief in or even a remote understanding of Catholic Christianity, once admitting that he believes more in Darth Vader and Phantom of the Opera than he does in God. Father Ted reminds him to write down people that don't exist on a list, such as Magnum, P.I. and the Loch Ness Monster. He revealed to Ted that he does not believe in the afterlife and that he wishes he shared Ted's own faith in the concept.

Quite how he became a member of the clergy, or how he ended up on Craggy Island, remains a mystery, although in one episode, Bishop Brennan mentions that the latter was punishment for some sort of incident at Blackrock in which the lives of a group of nuns were left irreparably damaged. Whatever happened, the incident was deemed to be serious enough for the Vatican to have become involved had Brennan not gone to great lengths to prevent it. Dougal himself alludes to an incident aboard a Sealink Ferry where he pushed a large red button that he wasn't supposed to push, though this may have happened since he was sent to Craggy Island. In "Grant unto Him Eternal Rest", Ted sarcastically suggests that he managed to enter the priesthood via a "collect twelve crisp packets and become a priest" promotion.

In the episode "Old Grey Whistle Theft", Dougal is 25 years old, and soon to be 26. A cheerful, innocent and naive soul, he has a childlike perception of life that rarely holds him in good stead with the priests with whom he shares the parochial house in which he lives, with the much more grounded, cynical Father Ted, who- though occasionally acting as his parent-figure (literally in one episode) - tends to regard both him and his ignorance as an incredible annoyance, and the blunt, short-tempered alcoholic Father Jack who occasionally refers to him as a "gobshite".

In keeping with his childish personality, Dougal has a great passion for rollerblading[1] and often appears out of sync with reality. On occasions, when asleep, he dreams he is taking part in well known UK gameshows, such as Countdown or Blockbusters which annoys Ted as he is shouting out the (ironically sometimes complicated and presumably correct) answers very loudly. He sleeps in a Republic of Ireland national football team shirt, and has garish He-Man bedsheets. He considers Catholicism to be some sort of "weird cult", and sees his career simply as a "bit of a laugh", rather than a pious calling. He also has no idea about how to conduct the most basic of Catholic rituals and ceremonies. His attempts at giving the death sacraments in Latin ended in his reciting the A.C. Milan football squad for 1995. On another occasion Dougal was obliged to perform a funeral service because Ted was not available, somehow leading to an unexplained scene of utter carnage (the hearse crashed and exploded whilst the mourners ran around in a blind panic).

Aside from his profession, he also has trouble understanding basic concepts, such as optical illusions; in one renowned scene, Ted spends hours showing Dougal that a toy cow isn't the same size as one standing far away, even though they appear so to the naked eye. From time to time however, Dougal does demonstrate a level of intelligence that occasionally surpasses that of Father Ted. In the episode "Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading", Dougal points out to Ted that knocking gently on the door of Rugged Island Parochial House wouldn't wake up the occupants. Instead Dougal suggests that Ted knocks loudly, which he does.

Father Dougal also has a fear of women. He has been known to hide from women, or otherwise ignore them. Ted spends time trying to explain to Dougal how to deal with women, which sometimes leads to embarrassing situations, such as giving away the parish house. However, Dougal seems to be much more relaxed with nuns. In the episode "Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest", Dougal admits that he doesn't feel as nervous with a nun as much as he does with an ordinary woman. The whole situation of being uneasy around women more than likely revolves around him being a priest. He like all priests can not look at women in any romantic or sexual way. This situation for someone incredibly naive and carefree would be extremely difficult, so he avoids women. Father Ted once warned Dougal (episode "And God Created Women") that he could not think of women in a conventional sense (women being attractive to Dougal) anymore now that he is a priest.

Father Cyril McDuff of Rugged Island resembles Father Dougal - ironically, Dougal thinks the former is an "awful eejit".

As testament to the character's enduring popularity, Irish bookmakers humorously began collecting bets on whether Dougal would succeed Pope John Paul II upon his death. The odds were 1,000-1 (better odds than some genuine candidates), and some small stakes were actually received. In 2011, Father Ted co-creator Graham Linehan revealed in Channel 4's documentary Unintelligent Design how Dougal was inspired by a cross between wide-eyed bartender Woody from Cheers and the roadsweeper Trigger, from Only Fools and Horses.[2]

Father Jack Hackett

Father Jack Hackett, played by Frank Kelly, is an elderly, decrepit, foul-mouthed, lecherous[3] alcoholic priest who frequently lapses into violent behaviour, particularly when his fellow clergy deny him drink or try removing him from his armchair, where he is usually found sleeping (or, more likely, passed out). Left irrevocably damaged by his life of sloth, lechery and alcoholic abuse, he rarely speaks in a coherent manner, instead expressing himself through a series of random shouted words (i.e., "Feck!", "ARSE!", "DRINK!" and "GIRLS!"). He regards Father Ted Crilly, Father Dougal McGuire and Bishop Brennan with undisguised contempt, although he seems to be more tolerant of Mrs Doyle; possibly because she has a fond maternal affection for him and frequently lavishes him with drink. However, when she once offered him a cup of tea, he was outraged and hurled the cup at her head. He is hinted as being mentally defective as shown when Ted is able to calm him by showing him the colour blue or puts him to sleep by placing a box on his head. Despite this, he has been said to have executed careful plans such as hitting Ted with a car or placing a spider in his mouth. Ted often treats him with an overgenerous level of respect, possibly because of his length of service.

Jack is extremely violent, frequently lashing out at all and sundry. He apparently once kicked Dougal up the arse and also once even punched Bishop Brennan in the face, but most of his violence is reserved for Ted, who explains that 'whenever he'd hit you or whatever, he'd never do it out of spite. He'd do it because he thought it was funny...!'

During the episode "Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest", flashbacks of Father Jack's earlier life as an active (and sober) priest showed him to be a highly conservative fire and brimstone-style Catholic School preacher who enjoyed tormenting students with threats of eternal damnation and giving out heavy amounts of corporal punishment. Another flashback implies that he had a less-than-healthy interest in the female students. Dougal also points out that Jack was the first priest to denounce The Beatles because "he could see what they were up to". Jack is held in very high regard by the other elderly priests, with one even exclaiming at his (premature) wake that Jack should have been made Pope rather than John Paul II.

While it is never explicitly stated why Bishop Brennan has doomed Jack to Craggy Island, it is mentioned in "The Passion of St Tibulus" that it has something to do with a wedding ceremony he performed in Athlone. In the episode "Tentacles of Doom", with the promise of more "drink", Ted was able to train Jack to say "That would be an ecumenical matter!" and "Yes!" so that he would be able to convincingly circumnavigate any questions put to him by a party of visiting bishops. Jack also has a fear of nuns, whether inebriated or not. He hates doing confession - partly attributed to his fear of enclosed spaces - and regards the sick and poor with contempt, referring to the needy as a "shower of bastards". It is later revealed that, according to his will, he has saved up £500,000. Ted partly attributes this to Jack's "never giving money to charity" and the fact that "he wouldn't wear trousers during the summer".

A recurring theme in the series, Jack's alcoholism has almost rendered him a human vegetable (although he had the presence of mind to find a bag containing an incriminating tape of Bishop Len Brennan when the latter threatened posting Jack, Dougal and Ted to places even less desirable than Craggy Island in "The Passion of Saint Tibulus"). He is constantly intoxicated and therefore permanently unaware of the people around him, except when they interfere with his daily routine of sleep and drink. Jack's drinking is not limited to alcohol, and he will drink almost any liquid he can get his hands on. Sometimes these strange choices of drink will have equally strange effects on Jack; Toilet Duck for instance causes him to experience hallucinations, and floor polish makes him temporarily appear to be dead, to the extent that he apparently actually started to decompose. However, his alcoholism has also left him with the incredible ability to tell what vintage a bottle of wine is simply from the sound of the bottles clinking together ("The Old Grey Whistle Theft").

In the episode "Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading", Ted observes that Jack hasn't been properly sober for twelve years, and when he does finally leave his inebriated state for a moment, realises to his horror that he's still on "that feckin' island" (which might explain why he turned to drink in the first place). His alcoholism makes it apparent that he has little memory for the names of household objects, as he picks up a spoon and demands to know of Ted, "what the hell is this?"

The drink has left Jack with scant regard for his personal hygiene; he is always depicted with a ring of scabs around his mouth, an unkempt stubble and stains down his clerical collar and smock. In "Tentacles of Doom" he is given a shave of his hair, but by the end of the episode it is back. In the episode "Night of the Nearly Dead", Eoin McLove points at Father Jack and claims "This one here, this one smells of wee". In the final episode, "Going to America", Ted imagines Jack as a loveable, grandfatherly figure, seated in a rocking chair and dressed in a cardigan rather than his usual dark garb. He is also notably cleaner-looking, without the scabs around his mouth, or his milky eye.

For unexplained reasons, Father Jack stands to attention (and demands the same from all others) on hearing La Marseillaise.

Mrs Doyle

Mrs Doyle, played by Pauline McLynn, is the parish priests' widowed housekeeper. Her first name is not mentioned on the show, but is given as Joan in a script. Whenever a character speaks her name, background noise suddenly erupts, masking whatever is being said.

Mrs Doyle is a hyperactive, repressed and somewhat insane parish housekeeper with an over the top zeal for her work. Obsessed with refreshments, she could often be found preparing copious amounts of tea, cake and sandwiches; she even stays up all night 'just in case one of you needs a cup of tea'.[4] Whenever Ted or somebody else refused one of her beverages, she urged them for some time, usually just by repeating "go on, go on", until the offending priest or guest finally agreed just for the sake of some peace. She would then deny them the tea or cake. In one episode, when Ted finally gives in, she decides that she is forcing him to have a cake, and tells him that he should just say no (which he had done several times), calling it a 'word that Our Lord gave us to use when we didn't want any cake.' She then proceeds to have the cakes destroyed.

Aside from simple domestic chores, Mrs Doyle also performs all the other tasks that needed completing around the house, such as digging drainage ditches and mending the roof.[5] In this respect, Ted took advantage of her work ethic and treated her like a general dogsbody. She frequently suffers accidents while attending to these chores, such as falling off the roof, falling down the stairs and especially plummeting head-first out of the large window frame in the front room.

Little or nothing is known about her personal life, except that she must have been married at some point and previously spoke of having a sister. She has a dim view of sex, once mentioning how thankful she was that "she never thinks about that sort of thing", and in this respect appeared quite conservative. In "And God Created Woman", when she and Ted were discussing the work of novelist Polly Clarke, she lamented how much swearing there was in modern fiction and went on a rant about the amount of sex in Clarke's books. She also becomes annoyed, condescending and visibly jealous whenever another woman comes into the parochial house, especially those who are good-looking or command the attention of the priests. She has several women friends on the island who appear sporadically throughout the series, and all look and speak in the same manner.

Supporting characters

Bishop Brennan

Bishop Leonard, occasionally known as "Len" Brennan was played by Jim Norton. Brennan appears from the episode "The Passion of St Tibulus" until the episode "Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse".

Despite supposedly being held in high regard by the Catholic community (he was once invited to meet the Pope), Brennan is a foul-mouthed, lecherous, hypocritical and sometimes even violent narcissist who despises Ted (for somewhat justified reasons, as Ted did steal money from charity and lost it all gambling), frequently casting a shadow over the lowly priest's life. He was the one charged with punishing Ted, Dougal and Jack for their respective misdemeanours, damning them to a lifetime of misery on the bleak, desolate Craggy Island.

He has several peculiar quirks that are exploited for comic effect on the show, such as his bizarre fear of rabbits (caused by an incident in a New York lift) and extravagant lifestyle (in one episode he was shown lounging in a hot tub with a glass of champagne and a beautiful woman). Dougal and Jack, because of their respective stupidity and alcohol-induced psychosis, are markedly less afraid of Brennan than Ted; Jack once even punched him in the face, causing his nose to bleed, while Dougal constantly addresses the Bishop by his first name, Len, despite having been repeatedly threatened and sworn at by Brennan as a result (he usually responds with "you address me by my proper title, you little bollocks!"). In the episode "The Passion of St. Tibulus", it was revealed that Brennan has a secret partner and love child in America, a reference to Irish Bishop Eamonn Casey.

Bishop Brennan visited the island on three notable occasions: firstly; when the blasphemous film The Passion of Saint Tibulus was being shown on the island. Ted and Dougal's earnest protest only attracted more attention to the film, with people flocking to the island to see it (some coming from as far away as Gdańsk). Bishop Brennan vowed to punish the three priests by exiling them elsewhere in the world, in places even worse than Craggy Island. However, the Bishop soon changed his mind when Jack found a video tape containing footage of Brennan with what is presumed to be his long-rumoured son and girlfriend (the boy's mother) on holiday in California, in a clear reference to the real life Bishop Eamon Casey.

The Bishop makes his second visit to the island when Father Jack starts a habit of nude sleepwalking, and to Bishop Brennan's fury it had been witnessed by an old and respected friend of his. Brennan once again had to deal with "the cast of Police Academy", as he described the three Craggy Island priests. Unfortunately, he was totally unaware that a plague of rabbits had befallen the house. Bishop Brennan was once stuck in a lift in New York with around a hundred rabbits, and they started to "nibble at my cape, and everything". Upon questioning Ted when his suspicions were aroused to the priests' strange behaviour (and finding some lettuce in a cage), Brennan retired to bed, only to be woken up by Ted and Dougal who were getting rid of about a hundred rabbits and a nude Jack who was sleeping in the Bishop's bed.

As the result of losing a football match to Father Dick Byrne, Ted was forced to accept a forfeit: "Kick Bishop Brennan up the arse". After Dick Byrne told Brennan that an apparition of him was appearing in the skirting boards of the guest bedroom, he arrived with his escort Father Jessop - the most sarcastic priest in Ireland. Ted eventually (after much fooling around) managed to carry out the forfeit, acting on Dougal's suggestion to kick Bishop Brennan and then act like he hadn't, the reasoning being that Ted's fear of the Bishop was so well-known that he would never believe Ted would do such a thing. After the kick, however, Bishop Brennan was shocked into a catatonic state that lasted well beyond the duration of his visit, until around halfway through a trip to the Vatican for an audience with the Pope. He snapped out of it just as he was due to greet the pontiff, exclaiming "He did kick me up the arse!", shoving the Holy Father aside and flying back to Craggy Island in utmost anger. Ted eventually managed to convince a raging Brennan that he didn't kick him up the arse, only for the Bishop to see the massive photograph of Ted kicking him up the arse that Dougal had had placed outside the house showing Bishop Brennan being kicked up the arse. Once again enraged, Bishop Brennan got his revenge on Ted by doing the same thing to him, sending him flying ten feet into the air across the field with Ted landing on his arse.

Father Dick Byrne

Father Dick Byrne was portrayed by Maurice O'Donoghue. He appeared in 5 episodes of the show, in "Competition Time", "Song For Europe", "Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading", "Escape from Victory" and "Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse". Dick is Ted's equivalent on nearby Rugged Island, and his bitter rival.

Ted's nemesis, Dick often manages to outwit Ted as part of their ongoing feud. It is unknown how the feud started, but Dougal once mentioned a "Scrabble fiasco" (where Father Byrne managed to get all of his words to spell "Useless priest, can't say Mass"). This feud has led to various ill-judged escapades, usually after Dick has telephoned Ted to tease him for some inadequacy or taunt him for some fault. These include fooling him on the phone into thinking that Dick sincerely believed Ted's Eurovision song would be good, and winning the annual "All-Priests Five-a-Side Over-75's Indoor Football Challenge Match." However, there are instances where Ted has got the better of Dick. Ted mentions an occasion where Dick lost a bet against him and therefore had to say "bollocks" very loudly in front of the then-Irish President Mary Robinson. Ted also beat Dick in the Eurosong competition, despite Dick's song, 'The Miracle Is Mine', being given a standing ovation and being far superior to the Craggy Island effort. Ted states that he "really hates Father Dick Byrne!"

In the 2010 Channel 4 retrospective 'Small, Far Away - The World of Father Ted', Graham Linehan and Arthur Matthews said, perhaps seriously, that Maurice O'Donoghue and the rest of the Rugged Island cast were each their second choice to play the main characters on the show.

Father Noel Furlong

Father Noel Furlong was portrayed by Graham Norton. He appeared in three episodes of the show, in "Hell" and "Flight into Terror" in series 2, and in "The Mainland" in series 3, where he possibly dies.

Father Noel is a very annoying and hyperactive priest whom Ted and Dougal hate spending time with. He runs the St. Luke's Youth Group and is first encountered during Ted's abortive caravaning holiday to "Hell". Here he invades the peaceful surroundings of the priests' rented caravan and keeps them awake at night, singing songs ("The Whole of the Moon" and "Dirty Old Town") and expressing his desire to tell ghost stories at six o' clock in the morning. Noel pokes fun at Ted and Dougal for having strong bladders by comparing them to "a bunch of camels". He regales the helpless Ted and Dougal with tales of how members of the youth group have a habit of turning in "late" ("ten past the eleven") and succeeds in driving them out of their holiday home, which he then proceeds to tip over after having himself and the youth group perform a Riverdance routine inside it.

Father Noel turns up again on the "Flight into Terror" leading Father Fay and Dougal into the cockpit of a plane. While there he inadvertently causes disaster when he allows Father Fay, who doesn't know he's a priest, to see his reflection. Father Fay goes mad and jumps on the pilot sending the plane out of its path. The pilot screams at the watching Dougal to press the emergency button. The bumbling priest then presses the wrong button. This grave error results in one of the fuel tanks being emptied.

Noel's boundless energy results in him getting his group lost in the "Very Dark Caves" on "The Mainland", and, after performing a rendition of the Bohemian Rhapsody, his attempts to start a "screeching competition" cause him to be crushed by falling rocks. His very last scene features him under the rocks with his hand sticking out, still in a very happy mood. His youth group then abandon him and head to Paraguay on Aer Lingus flights. Ted told an apparent rescue service man to save Noel, but the man turned out actually to be an uninterested dustman, meaning Noel could very possibly have died under the rocks. But in the short scene after the credits, Noel is still under the rocks, clicking his fingers and singing "Fat Bottomed Girls".

Series creator Graham Linehan once stated that the basis for Father Noel Furlong's character was "a priest who has repressed his homosexuality for so long that it has driven him insane." Linehan also, however, stated that he believed him to be asexual.

Minor characters

Father Larry Duff

Father Larry Duff, played by Tony Guilfoyle is a friend of Ted's who always seems to be on the receiving end of some misfortune. The cause of these events is usually Ted calling him on his mobile phone. Examples of Larry's mishaps include driving off a cliff in his Ford Granada while looking for his ringing mobile ("Hell"), losing £10,000 in a TV gameshow when Ted interrupts his concentration by ringing him ("Cigarettes, Alcohol & Rollerblading"), and being trampled by a herd of stampeding donkeys ("Flight Into Terror"). Occasionally Ted manages to get through to him, only to be informed he won't be arriving at a picnic as he is being investigated for weapons smuggling by the Army ("Old Grey Whistle Theft") or that he can't accept Ted's offer of rabbits as he decided to get twelve rottweilers instead ("The Plague"). Ted often mentions Larry as being "tremendous fun". He is apparently a good friend of Bishop Facks, who appears in "Tentacles of Doom". Despite his frequent injuries, he always returns unscathed in his next appearance.

Father Paul Stone

Father Paul Stone, played by Michael Redmond, is an exceedingly boring priest who featured in the episode "Entertaining Father Stone" and comes to stay at the parochial house every year. He is completely unable to hold a conversation and is more than happy just to sit and do/say nothing at all, giving one-sentence answers at best. He usually brushes off any attempted social interaction by saying something along the lines of "No. I'm fine". Despite his quiet persona, Father Stone's presence dominates those around him, leading to awkward and protracted silences which suck the life out of the room, ruining Ted's birthday party as a result. His unresponsiveness makes him practically impossible to get rid of, causing Ted and the others to go to great lengths just to avoid contact with him, such as going to bed extremely early or going out to the island's sub-standard crazy golf course in the pouring rain. When Ted prays to God with the intention of getting rid of Father Stone, he is subsequently struck by lightning after joining Ted and Dougal at the crazy golf course. He gets stuck in the same position as he was when he is struck, and surgeons were unable to remove the golf club from his hands, leading Dougal to comment that "he looks like a trophy". His grandmother and parents are alive and he is known to have one brother who is a doctor. It turns out that he hero-worships Ted and once drew a portrait of the two of them together.

Father Fintan Stack

Father Fintan Stack, portrayed by Brendan Grace, is a truly appalling priest who comes to the Parochial House as Father Jack's replacement when Jack contracts "hairy hands syndrome" and is sent to St Clabbert's ("Jurassic Park"). Father Stack's unpleasant habits, which he does solely for his own amusement, include:

  • Being casually rude
  • Intimidating anyone within the house
  • Eating Ted's Frosties
  • Getting Dougal drunk on Jack's whiskey
  • Jumping up and down on a photo of Ted
  • Driving Ted's car into a big wall (which is unseen)
  • Playing loud jungle music throughout the small hours (the track used on the show was Cutty Ranks' "Limb By Limb (DJ SS Remix)") while randomly drilling holes in the living-room wall.

His visit is abruptly cut short when he too contracts "the hair thing" after sitting in Jack's chair ("New Jack City"). Ted concludes that Stack is worse than Hitler, because not even Hitler would play jungle music at three in the morning.

Father Austin Purcell

Father Austin Purcell, played by Ben Keaton, features in the episode "Think Fast, Father Ted". He is "the most boring priest in the world", according to Ted. The entire population of a village in Nigeria once sailed to their deaths on a crocodile-infested lake to escape him. He talks constantly in an annoying high-pitched voice about the most trivial and irritating topics, including central heating, insurance and "favourite humming noises". He once proposed an unusual concept - by painting the house orange and building extensions on extensions on extensions on houses, he postulated the doughnut shaped house - "the house is in a circle now". Ted has to physically restrain Father Jack from punching Father Austin. After Ted allows Father Jack to leave he cries out 'Thank Christ' and promptly locks Ted in instead. He claims to have known a woman once - "but she died soon afterwards".

Father Todd Unctious

Father Todd Unctious, portrayed by Gerard McSorley, appears in the episode "A Christmassy Ted". He turns up at the parochial house at Christmas claiming to be an old pal of Ted's; Ted has no recollection of Todd whatsoever. Ted is required to employ diverse stratagems and ploys to find out his name, without success. An attempt to get him to write his name fails, as Unctious reveals that he once ran with scissors and fell, completely severing the nerve that controls handwriting. Fortunately Mrs Doyle manages to guess his name in nearly under an hour, after quite a number of increasingly ridiculous wrong guesses, including Andy Riley, Desmond Coyle, George Byrne, David Nicholson, Declan Lynch, Ken Sweeney, Neil Hannon (a reference to Neil Hannon of Divine Comedy fame, who wrote the shows theme tune), Keith Cullen, Ciaran Donnelly, Mick McEvoy, Jack White, Henry Bigbigging, Hank Tree, Hiroshima Twinkie, Stig Bubblecart, Johnny Hellzapoppin, Luke Duke, Billy Ferry, Chewy Louie, John Hoop, Hairy Cakelinum, Ebula Conundrum, Peewee Stairmaster, Tight Head Lips, Jemima Racktouey, Jerry Twig, Spodo Komodo, and Canabrana Lammer. His behaviour disturbs Ted; he also enjoys wandering around in nothing but his underpants, is not averse to showing Ted some of his more intimate scars, and shadow boxing. He turns out to be a thief who wants to steal Ted's "Golden Cleric" Award.

Other Priests

  • Father Jim Johnson (Chris Curran), Jack's equivalent on Rugged Island. Although Jim looks relatively normal compared to Jack, his personality and alcoholic habits are much the same.
  • Father Cyril MacDuff (Don Wycherley), Dougal's equivalent on Rugged Island. Dougal thinks he is "an awful eejit." He often gets confused about events, for instance, thinking that Dick's five-a-side football team has won the match ("Escape from Victory").
  • Father Fintan Fay (Jimmy Keogh), an old, mad priest (the Monkey Priest of Killybashangel) who communicates in a noisy gibberish that, somehow, everyone can understand. He is not supposed to see his own reflection because he doesn't know he's a priest. He is well liked by other priests and his reason for getting a parachute on the crashing plane was applauded. ("Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest", "Flight into Terror").
  • Father Billy O'Dwyer (Gerry O'Brien), aka The SpinMaster. Craggy Island's resident funky DJ (even though the only record he has is Ghost Town by The Specials) and gambling addict who ruins the raffle in "Think Fast, Father Ted" by stealing the proceeds to pay off his underworld debts.
  • Father Liam Finnegan (James Benson), the famous "Dancing Priest". His untimely demise (from a heart attack) provided Ted with the unexpected bequest of a car (Rover 216). The car was later ruined by Father Jack after he drove it to the off-licence and left it in the path of two oncoming trucks. ("Think Fast, Father Ted"). The song he is seen dancing to is called Beatnik Fly, by Johnny and the Hurricanes.
  • Father Tiernan, Father Rafter, Father Cafferty and Father Leonard, friends of Ted's who step in to fill an awkward hiatus by performing as a strange Kraftwerk-style electro group. ("Think Fast, Father Ted").
  • Father Damien "Damo" Lennon (Joe Rooney), a plucky character, Dougal's role model. More of a football casual than a priest, he sports an earring, loves Oasis, smokes cigarettes and stole a whistle. ("The Old Grey Whistle Theft") He also features in the episode "Flight into Terror", sitting at the left-hand side of Father Dougal.
  • Father "Frosty" Frost, Father Damo's registered keeper. ("The Old Grey Whistle Theft").
  • Father Walton, an inmate of "Jurassic Park" who reached Stage 12 of the "hair thing", and was mistakenly kidnapped by Ted and Dougal in an attempt to recover Jack from the home. ("New Jack City").
  • Father Joe Briefly (Patrick Duggan), an old mate of Ted's from the seminary, where he used to be known as "Himalaya Joe" because of the thick black hair growing between his toes, although apparently this was due to a medical condition. Joe lets Dougal know Ted had a nickname leading everyone know that Ted's nickname was "Father Fluffy Bottom" because "he had a big pile of fluffy white hair on his behind". ("Flight into Terror").
  • Father O'Shea, a passenger in "Flight into Terror" who confessed to impregnating his housekeeper and forcing her to leave the country, thus slightly dashing his chances of winning a parachute. His chances were further dashed when he didn't stop typing his "why-I-should-get-a-parachute" speech when the time was up.
  • Father Cave and Father Gallagher, a pair of rather fey young men. It appears that Father Cave's idea of their relationship is slightly different from that of Father Gallagher, to the embarrassment of both parties. Graham Linehan appears as Father Gallagher. ("Flight into Terror").
  • Father Flynn (Jonathan White), a not totally with-it priest. When asked to write 200 words on "why I should be given a parachute" in "Flight into Terror", he stood up and produced only a drawing of himself "in the nip, with a dog", claiming to have misunderstood what was going on before taking his seat again.
  • Father Liam Deliverance (Dermot Crowley), an only partially insane priest who wreaks destruction upon the Parochial House before assisting Ted at the "Lovely Girls" competition. ("Rock-a-Hula Ted").
  • Father Barty Dunne (Fergus O'Kelly), the Laughing Priest. Barty earns universal hatred and annoyance by his habit of chuckling hysterically through everything he says. ("Competition Time").
  • Father Harry Coyle (Paul Woodfull), who appears as a Ziggy Stardust lookalike in "Competition Time".
  • Father Paul Cleary (Tommy Duggan), an extremely aged priest who attends Jack's wake in "Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest" and refuses Mrs Doyle's "diagonal" sandwiches.
  • Father Mackie and Father Jim Sutton, who also attend the premature wake.
  • Father Hernandez (Derrick Branche), is an old friend of Ted and Dougal. He is a priest from Cuba and he drives a red convertible Porsche 930. He visits them, leaving Dougal a VCR and Ted a Cuban fertility symbol. Speaks only in Spanish which a narrator translates, including the laughter. According to the episode DVD commentary, it is not certain whether Ted and Dougal understand Spanish or actually hear the disembodied voice. Played by Derrick Branche, who was Gupte in Only When I Laugh also starring Richard Wilson, who appears as himself in another episode. ("The Passion of Saint Tibulus").
  • Father Seamus Fitzpatrick (Patrick Kavanagh), to whom Ted once lent his copy of Stephen King's The Shining, collector of (German) war memorabilia and not-so-closet Nazi. His ex-Wehrmacht housemate unfortunately confuses Valium with cyanide, spelling swift death all round. ("Are You Right There, Father Ted?").
  • Father Brian Eno, an attendee at "It's Great Being a Priest '98", portrayed by Brian Eno himself.
  • Father Kevin (Tommy Tiernan), a young priest whose suicide attempt is foiled by Ted at "It's Great Being a Priest '98". He is later cured of depression by "Theme From Shaft", but subsequently plunges back into the depths of it after overhearing a Radiohead song ("Exit Music (For a Film)") on a bus. ("Going to America").
  • Father Derek Beeching (Eamon Morrissey) who mucks in to help with the milk-float crisis in "Speed 3". He is particularly fond of saying mass.
  • Father Clarke (Arthur Mathews), who encourages Father Beeching to say mass during the milk-float crisis in "Speed 3".
  • Father Jessup (Ian Fitzgibbon), the most sarcastic priest in Ireland and PA to Bishop Brennan. His sarcastic comments include, "No, I'm up in space, doing important work for NASA." His sarcasm backfires on him however, as Mrs Doyle learns to do the opposite of everything he says, thus leaving him locked inside Father Jack's underwear basket. ("Kicking Bishop Brennan Up The Arse")
  • Father Buzz Cagney (Jeff Harding), often imitated by way of fancy dress, he appears in the last episode, after seeing Ted help Father Kevin from killing himself at the "It's Great to be a Priest '98" celebration, and offers Ted a chance to work with him in a parish in America, which Ted decides to turn down upon hearing about gun violence in the country. ("Going to America").
  • Father Nick, star striker alongside Father Jack in the "Annual, All-Priests, Five-a-Side, Over-75's Indoor Challenge Football Match", who dies before the big match in "Escape from Victory". He is seen lying in a hi-tech coffin that can receive faxes.
  • Father Romeo Sensini, Italian priest and football champion in the "Annual, All-Priests, Five-a-Side, Over-75's Indoor Challenge Football Match" in "Escape from Victory". He can climb two flights of stairs unassisted and he needs only one nun to help him get out of a chair.
  • Father Ned Fitzmaurice, an elderly priest who adds to the injury crisis in the build-up to the "Annual, All-Priests, Five-a-Side, Over-75's Indoor Challenge Football Match". Tripped on a pavestone and one of his kneecaps fell off, forcing Ted to play him in goal. ("Escape from Victory").
  • Father Deegan (Kevin McKidd), a young and despairing Glaswegian priest, fresh from the seminary, who is part of the group that gets lost in the lingerie department. ("A Christmassy Ted").
  • Father Billy (Donncha Crowley), another of the priests who get lost in the lingerie department. He is not particularly out-of-the-ordinary although he seems to believe that a priest buying women's underwear would not look so strange. ("A Christmassy Ted").
  • Father Terry (Neil McCaul), the lost priest who kept pointing out that it was apparently "Ireland's biggest lingerie section". ("A Christmassy Ted").
  • Father Cleary (Joe Taylor), the lost priest who managed to injure himself with the elastic strap of a bra after messing about with it. ("A Christmassy Ted").
  • Father Fitzgerald (Sean Barrett), a dreary character infamous for having an incredibly boring voice which is almost too dull to listen to. The trapped priests use his voice as a means of escaping from the lingerie department unnoticed. ("A Christmassy Ted").
  • Father Reilly (Colum Gallivan), the exact opposite of Father Fitzgerald in that he has a rather more exciting voice and acts in a dramatic thespian-like manner. ("A Christmassy Ted").
  • Father Williams, a priest who was driving Father Larry Duff to the picnic. Father Williams and Larry Duff were stopped by armed soldiers, due to the discovery of "a big box of machine guns in his house", he ran through the roadblock and was shot by the soldiers off-screen. ("Old Grey Whistle Theft").
  • Priest from Donegal (Kevin Sharkey), a black priest who Sister Monica mistakes as being from Africa. He is in fact from Donegal. ("Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest")

Unseen Priests

  • Father O'Rourke, owner of the new caravan rented by Ted, Dougal and Jack which is "twice as big as the old one". ("Hell").
  • Father Jimmy Ranable, a friend of Ted's whose time under the tutoring of Jack had the greatest effect on him. Then took part in the "Drumshanbo Massacre". ("Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest").
  • Father Benny Cake, a priest who according to Ted recorded a song that went to number one in England. He didn't want people to know he was a priest so he changed his name, Ted couldn't remember what he called himself but mentioned "...Anyway, I think the song was called Vienna", Implying he was actually Midge Ure from Ultravox (even though, in fact, that song only made it to number two in the UK chart) ("Song For Europe").
  • Father Clippett, "they say he does a good long Mass", now takes three hours to say mass, due to having had a stroke. "Value for money", according to Sister Assumpta. ("And God Created Woman").
  • Father Shortall, whom Ted and Dougal both ask Father Stone if he has seen lately. Dougal reckons he must be nearly 80 now. ("Entertaining Father Stone").
  • Father Jim Duggan, responsible for introducing Ted to Father Stone before he "ran out of the building".
  • Father Sweeney, friend of Father Noel Furlong who is ridiculed because he had "a very small bladder, about the size of a Terry's Chocolate Orange." ("Hell").
  • Father Fitzgibbon, another priest known to Father Noel Furlong, had a cup named after him and in a bizarre coincidence his big ears made him resemble a cup. ("Hell").
  • Father Hegarty, from Chicago, does not actually appear but sends a fax through the hi-tech coffin of Father Nick in "Escape from Victory".
  • Father Nolan had the misfortune of being involved in a gas explosion which punched a hole in his chest the size of a football. He was so badly injured that he could only be identified by his dental records and understandably feels rather down about it. Ted briefly mentions him in "Night of the Nearly Dead".
  • Father Bigley, an unseen character within the series who is awarded many peculiar attributes. He was mistakenly considered dead; it emerged that he just looked dead. He has facial blotches and "big puffy lips", possibly due to an altercation with an exploding kettle. ("Hell"). He is an avid Dana fan, he is now in a home following some suspicious fires. He also wears perfume, and performed OJ Simpson's wedding.

Bishops

  • Bishop Lindsay, whom Dougal thought was accusing Ted when he asked where Ted was when Kennedy was shot. Never appears in the series. ("Tentacles of Doom")
    • Known collectively as "The Bishops", these three appear in "Tentacles of Doom".
  • Bishop Jordan (Paddy Ward), the one with the weak heart who leaves the Craggy Island parochial house in a coffin after an unsavoury incident with sewage.
  • Bishop Eddie O'Neill (Kevin Moore), the one who, upon hearing Dougal's philosophy on God and existence, renounces religion and is last seen leaving for India in a van with some pot-smoking hippie friends.
  • Bishop Facks (Denys Hawthorne), the maniacally intense one who latches onto Jack and leaves in an ambulance with the Holy Stone of Clonrichert up his behind.
  • Bishop Tom McCaskell (Andrew McCulloch), the Bishop who telephones Ted with the news that he has won a Golden Cleric award. Apparently a friend of Ted, he is hiding in Rome following an unspecified scandal involving a woman who is planning to "write a bloody book about it", and is contemplating a move to South America. ("A Christmassy Ted")

Nuns

  • Sister Assumpta, a crazed, sadistic nun belonging to the Mattie Hyslop cult, who tortures Ted and Dougal with early wake-up calls, morning punishments, beatings and cold baths in "Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading". Fortunately for Ted, she has one fatal weakness - chocolate - and this proves to be her undoing. Ted encountered her before, as the leader of a group of nuns in "And God Created Woman".
  • Sister Imelda, aka 'the Blue Nun'. Apparently disappeared with Jack during a wedding.
  • Polly Clarke, best-selling female novelist who became a nun after her experiences in "And God Created Woman".
  • Sister Julia, a nun who is reputedly 97 years old. ("And God Created Woman")
  • Sister Margaret, a nun who asks Ted where he gets the ideas for his sermons. ("And God Created Woman")
  • Sister Danita, whom Dougal had an encounter with that was "a bit too close for comfort". Mentioned in "And God Created Woman" but never appears in the series.
  • Sister Monica Mulligan, an Ulster nun who comes to stay with the boys, is mistakenly accused of "touching" Ted and diagnoses Jack's death, but is unceremoniously shunted off when the details of his legacy are revealed. ("Grant unto Him Eternal Rest") She also has a minor role as a nun at St Clabberts. ("New Jack City")
  • Two nuns on plane, persistently throw paper balls at Ted in "Flight into Terror" causing him to react with rage, but a blind priest behind him laughs simultaneously (At a comedy tape he is listening to) making Ted believe that it is him throwing the paper.
  • Sister Mary Gondola, a call centre agent working for the Mattie Hyslop customer services division.
  • Sister Concepta, one of Sister Assumpta's group in 'And God Created Woman' she gave Father Ted's mass 10/10 and Sister Assumpta dubs her as very hard to please.

Inhabitants of Craggy Island

  • John and Mary O'Leary, a married couple who own and operate a shop on Craggy Island. The pair utterly hate each other and are constantly insulting and devising ways to maim and kill each other, such as Mary threatening to stick a knife "up [John's] arse!" Despite this, they do act like a happily married couple in front of other people. Whenever the characters encounter John and Mary, it is generally when the pair are in the middle, or during the aftermath, of yet another attempt to kill one another. In a DVD commentary the writers said although they liked the characters they felt were limited to one joke and were gradually used less as the series progressed. In the final series they only made one appearance.
  • Tom (Pat Shortt), a violent village idiot, vivisectionist, armed robber, lorry driver etc. Tom is often to be seen wearing his "I shot J.R." t-shirt, looking at outsiders as they arrive on Craggy Island. Ted often displays a complete lack of interest in crimes or sins Tom may have committed. On one occasion when Tom confesses a murder, Ted tells him that he is much too busy to speak to him about it. Another time he sees Tom rob a post office while Ted is waiting in a car outside for him. Upon telling Tom that he hopes he isn't up to his old tricks, Tom replies "'Tis my money Father. I just didn't want to fill in the forms". Tom has a scar, which when asked about he declared 'I was in an argument'. He then pulls down his trousers, and grinning from between his legs declares 'would you believe me own dog did that to me. Doesn't it look like a face?'. He appears in "Good Luck, Father Ted", (as the first person Terry McNamee sees upon his arrival on Craggy Island) "And God Created Woman", "Hell" and "The Plague" (as the person Ted and Dougal call on to "take care of" the rabbits).
  • The Sergeant, the island's garda. His predecessor was Sergeant Thornton, who for some reason left his handcuffs at O'Leary's. He appears in "Competition Time", "The Old Grey Whistle Theft" and in "A Christmassy Ted". His name is uncertain; in "Competition Time" he is Sergeant Deegan (played by John Olohan), in "The Old Grey Whistle Theft" he is Sergeant Hodgins (also played by John Olohan) while in "A Christmassy Ted" John Quinn plays a "Police Sergeant" (even though the word "police" is not used by the Garda Síochána). It is not clear whether these are meant to be separate characters.
  • Michael (Jon Kenny), the cinema manager, an old friend of Ted and Dougal's, who lets them in for half-price.
  • Fargo Boyle, owner of Chris the sheep, in the episode "Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep".
  • Giant Reed and Hud Hastings, two men paid by Fargo Boyle to frighten Chris the Sheep, and who buy with their bribe money a fur coat and a crown respectively.
  • Pat, an elderly gentleman who, despite the very recent death of his wife (merely hours ago), insists on going to the cinema to see the controversial movie "The Passion of St Tibulus".
  • Mr Benson, curator of the island's picnic spot. He appears to believe himself to be living in a spaghetti western movie. His beloved whistle was stolen from him in "The Old Grey Whistle Theft", but he got it back. In the process, however, he lost all feeling in one leg, but since his memory was also affected couldn't remember which leg it was. Previously, he had an affair with his wife's sister while his wife was in hospital, then got the babysitter pregnant.
  • Sean Yin (played by Ozzie Yue) and his family the Yins, who live in Craggy Island's Chinatown. Ted does an extremely silly Chinaman impression, only realising at the last minute that the Yin family were watching him through the Parochial house window. They then believe him to be a racist.
  • Colm, an old farmer, who appears in the episode "Are You Right There, Father Ted?"
  • Auld Jim Halpin, an eye-witness to the heinous whistle theft in "The Old Grey Whistle Theft". In a separate incident Ted tells Dougal and a group of nuns that Jim is dying, in an attempt to avoid saying mass. ("And God Created Woman") Jim however is not dying; Dougal remembers he is outside (having come to borrow some sugar) and brings him in. He did have a cold a couple of weeks earlier though. He also went to watch The Passion of St Tibulus despite Ted and Dougal's attempt to persuade the islanders otherwise.
  • Mrs Carberry, an elderly lady with extreme right-wing views who appears in the episode "Are You Right There, Father Ted?". She is supportive of Father Ted when rumours circulate that he is a racist. She has extreme views on foreign people including the Chinese and has an anti-Greek fixation, because "they invented gayness".
  • The Sewage Supervisor, unnamed, he misguidedly entrusts Tom with a gigantic sewage lorry in "Hell".
  • Dr Sinnott, the island's doctor, who plays a large part in the life (and death) of the community. He has to get dressed up in a radiation suit to examine Father Jack.
  • Imelda, (Dawn Bradfield) Winner of the Lovely Girls competition. She is 19 and from Dundalk. Ted reads a series of incorrect information about her.
  • Mary, runner-up in the Lovely Girls competition. Loses to Imelda in the Lovely Laugh Tiebreaker. Ted comments on her having a lovely bottom, but to be politically correct, he says "Of course, they all have lovely bottoms".
  • The Lads, attending the Lovely Girls competition. Paddy, Billy and the two other unnamed lads are there to check out the lovely girls and have a few pints of Guinness.
  • Pat Mustard (Pat Laffan), a sex-addicted milkman who has a trail of exceedingly hairy illegitimate children all around the island and who Mrs Doyle appears to be infatuated with. At one point Mrs Doyle announces to Ted that Pat 'wants to put his massive tool in my box' and, when Ted objects to the obvious sexual innuendo, Pat produces an enormous wrench and places it into Mrs Doyle's toolbox. When Ted berates him for not being careful in the bedroom he asks if Ted is advising him to use artificial contraception, much to Ted's annoyance. Later he is seen exiting a house after a sexual encounter with the lady of the house and loudly proclaiming 'now to ride Mrs O'Reilly' as he approaches the next house. Upon leaving The O'Reilly house he realises that he has forgotten to put his trousers on. He eventually has to keep "yanking himself" when he loses his milk round and thus his supply of willing housewives because of Ted and Dougal's incriminating photos. His revenge is a twisted plan to blow up the milk float and kill Dougal (who replaces him as milkman). But due to Ted's quick thinking, the plan goes wrong when the driverless milk float drives into the phone booth, (where Pat was at the time), and exploding.
  • Mr Fox, the head milkman. When shown incriminating photos relating to Pat Mustard's activities with the housewives of Craggy Island, he at first offers to buy the pictures, but he quickly backtracks and sacks Mustard when he realises that Ted actually objects to Mustard's conduct. Left without a milkman, he accepts Dougal's offer to fill in for a while.
  • Mrs Sheridan and Mrs Glynn, two old bats with an unusual taste in films; they are known to favour The Crying Game and Boyz n the Hood.
  • A Māori, who appears at the Craggy Island Celebration of Cultures, he appears when Ted remarks that there are no Māori on the island, after mistakenly putting up a slide of a Māori.
  • Alan, the rambling host of King of the Sheep.
  • Mrs Boyle, who blabbed the news of Eoin McLove's visit to every middle aged fan of his on Craggy Island, despite vowing that if she spread the word she'd be "struck down with every disease that it is known for a middle aged woman to suffer from". ("Night of the Nearly Dead")
  • Mrs Dunne, whose husband Mr Dunne tried to wash a cup last year and burnt the house down. ("Night of the Nearly Dead")
  • Mrs Collins, whose husband Mr Collins tried to make his own bed last year and lost a leg. ("Night of the Nearly Dead")
  • Paddy Short, who was "lured" to the Holy Stone of Clonrichert "and then they beat him with a stick". Doesn't appear in the series. ("Tentacles of Doom")
  • Paddy Jordan, who runs the Craggy Island Greyhound Track. ("The Plague".)
  • The Rudest Couple, who show bitter and disinhibited annoyance at Father Ted for sitting in their picnic spot. They use the words "fup", "backstard" and "grasshole" in order to comply with the picnic area's no swearing rule in "The Old Grey Whistle Theft".
  • Eugene, in "Going to America", as he is leaving the church after mass, comments to Father Ted that his sermon "...bored the arse off me". After being asked "What the hell was it about anyway", Father Ted balks, leaving Eugene to exclaim "Ah jaysis" as he walks away. (Eugene is played by the same actor as the character "Pat")
  • Mrs Gleeson and Mrs Millet, Two housewives who are clearly waiting on Pat Mustard to deliver 'more than just dairy products' and are shocked to see Dougal arriving at the door in "Speed 3".

Inhabitants of the Mainland

  • Mrs Dineen, Mrs Doyle's friend whom she meets and spends an afternoon with in the teashop, only to end up being arrested after fighting over who should pay the bill.
  • Mrs O'Dwyer, Mrs Doyle's friend who was "robbed", meaning that she herself was stolen.
  • Mr Sweeney, whose house was broken into and who was forced into a bra by the intruder. A victim of 200 cases of "forced transvestism" in the space of one year.
  • Optician, analyses Father Jack's level of eyesight using a new DRINK chart given away in a Carlsberg promotion, only to later use one given to her by Czechoslovakian company FECKARSE Industries.
  • Tour Guide, shows Fathers Ted and Dougal and Richard Wilson amongst others around The Caves. Has great difficulty in not shouting Richard Wilson's catchphrase from One Foot in the Grave to his face.
  • Ronald, AA member who spots Father Jack indulging in alcohol in a pub and is last seen being carried away in an ambulance.

Celebrities

  • Henry Sellers (played by Niall Buggy), jovial game-show host and ex-alcoholic, who comes to the Island to host the All-Priests Stars in Their Eyes Lookalikes Competition. Ted unwittingly coerces him into having a glass of sherry, after which he drunkenly trashes the parochial house and runs riot around the Craggy Island countryside. Sergeant Lewis brings him down with a tranquilliser gun at seventy-five yards. Based on Terry Wogan.
  • Richard Wilson (star of One Foot in the Grave) as himself. Upon hearing Ted's quoting of his character Victor Meldrew's catchphrase, "I don't believe it", he violently attacks Ted and hurls insults and threats at him.
  • Eoin McLove,(played by Patrick McDonnell), sickly sweet television presenter and pop singer (hits include "My Lovely Mayo Mammy"). His only popularity is amongst middle-aged women, and he is completely dependent on others to perform even the simplest tasks for him, such as opening doors. He visits the Parochial House when Mrs Doyle, implausibly, wins a poetry competition. Bizarrely, at one point he tries to justify his obtuse behaviour by saying, quite simply: "I've no willy". Based on Irish singer Daniel O'Donnell.
  • Patsy, played by Maria Doyle Kennedy. She is the manager of, and dogsbody for, Eoin McLove.
  • Lazlo St Pierre and John Morgan, night-time and morning DJs respectively on a local radio station which Ted, Jack and Dougal listen to while driving back from Father Finnegan's. Voiced by the writers; Graham Linehan, and Arthur Mathews in yet another little cameo.
  • Terry MacNamee (Gerard Lee), producer of the TV programme Faith of Our Fathers.
  • Charles Hedges and Fred Rickwood, a gay couple and, respectively, producer and presenter of "A Song For Ireland". Fred's speech is normally entirely incoherent, except when presenting a television programme.
  • Niamh Connolly (played by Clare Grogan), a radical feminist lesbian pop singer based on Sinéad O'Connor. She comes to Craggy Island in an attempt to create a safe haven for victims of intolerance and hypocrisy. Dougal mistakenly "sells" the Parochial House to her.
  • Father Ben and Father Brendan, the stars of a TV sitcom called "Father Ben" that is much enjoyed by Ted and Dougal. It is Craggy Island's version of Father Ted and it follows the lives of Father Ben and Father Brendan. The series included a cameo appearance by Father Ted co-creator Arthur Mathews as the long-suffering Ben. In fact they both bear a startling resemblance to Ted and Dougal. In the short bit of the show that appears in the episode "The Plague", Father Brendan has shorts on his head, and Dougal remarks "That Brendan's an eejit".

Miscellaneous

  • Mr and Mrs Gleason, a hapless couple at Kilkelly Caravan Park who have their caravan invaded, their lovemaking spied on, their private ablutions interrupted and their lives generally made a misery by the lads from the Island. In addition Mr Gleason is carried several miles naked through the countryside on the bonnet of Ted's car, and thrown to the ground. Mrs Gleason returns briefly during the "Speed 3" episode when Dougal delivers her milk; she thinks it'll be Pat Mustard, so she is topless and screams when Dougal arrives.
  • The St Luke's Youth Group, shepherded by Father Noel Furlong and comprising Gerry Fields, Janine Reilly (whom Noel Furlong thinks "would love to screech"), Tony Lynch (hypothetically eaten by Father Furlong who then shouts "shut up" to his face) and Nuala Ryan. Last seen heading off on Aer Lingus flights to Paraguay, having finally escaped Father Noel.
  • Mrs O'Reilly, one of the many women made love to by sex-addictedmilkman Pat Mustard in Speed 3. Theresa O'Reilly has the distinction of being the only "Mrs" on Craggy Island to have her first name revealed.
  • Patsy, the long-suffering assistant of Eoin McLove. Played by Maria Doyle Kennedy.
  • Father Peter Clifford (Stephen Tompkinson) and Assumpta Fitzgerald (Dervla Kirwan) from the Ballykissangel mythos, who appear in Ted's dream in "A Christmassy Ted".
  • Dermot Stone (James Beswick) and Mrs Stone (Kate Binchy), who say it is a "terrible thing" that their son has been struck by lightning, but at the same time are distressed that he survived. Mr Stone's extroverted character is in stark contrast to his son.
  • Mammy (Joane Hall), Mrs Stone's grandmother who knows what Ted's "up to".
  • Tarot reader, reads Ted's fortune when Dougal backs out in "Good Luck, Father Ted". When Ted is uncertain about crossing her palm with silver, she says: "Gimme a pound!"
  • Surly youth, appears under the cliffs in "Good Luck, Father Ted", watching a few men playing bodhráns and dancing a jig.
  • Laura Sweeney (Zara Turner), reads Jack's will and punches and swears at Ted when he and Dougal laugh at the notion of her being a solicitor. ("Grant unto Him Eternal Rest")
  • Mr Pearson, Ted and Dougal tried to stay with him for a second week of their holiday last year but his, it turned out, was not a guesthouse. ("Hell")
  • The fellow from England, touched the Holy Stone of Clonrichert and grew a beard. Never appears in the series. ("Tentacles of Doom"),

Pets and other animals

  • Sampras, Dougal's pet rabbit, named after Pete Sampras (because of some bizarre perceived connection between tennis and rabbits that Dougal doesn't explain).
  • Ronaldo, Dougal's escape-prone, cycling hamster (named after the Brazilian striker Ronaldo).
  • Chris, Fargo Boyle's multiple winner of "King of The Sheep" who suffers a crisis of confidence and starts burping.
  • Big Brendan, another burping sheep who won the King of the Sheep in 1983, but Ted was convinced it was a "fluke."
  • The Ants, a colony of giant ants living in the field that the Parochial House is in, which Dougal investigates with binoculars.
  • Éamonn, the rabbit that Dougal bets £10 on at the Craggy Island Greyhound Track when Ted tries to race the rabbits in "The Plague".
  • The Beast of Craggy Island, a fictional beast which is scaring everybody on the Island. Ted and Dougal later find out a Stereogram hanging from a tree is responsible for the noises believed to be made by the beast. ("Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep")
  • Brick, Father Jack's very own pet brick which he lovingly cares for, only to have a sudden change of heart and hurl it at Ted.

References


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